My day job, which I'm not ready to quit just yet, is a staff auditor for one of the 'Big Four' firms. It occurred to me a few weeks ago that before I started at this job, I've never heard words like ‘absolutely’ and ‘definitely,’ or expressions like ‘no problem’ and ‘you got it,’ used so frequently. That's how everybody talks to each other! These definitive, pre-programmed responses are passed around the work place like a couple of cheap whores.
“Could you update these schedules and make sure they agree to prior year?”
Absolutely.
“I need to make sure they tie back for a meeting this afternoon.”
You got it. No problem.
Listening to my coworkers respond this way is like hearing a fake orgasm. It’s what you think you want to hear. But seriously, is that really what you want to hear?
Can you find a way to answer me that makes you sound more like a prostitute?
That could be hard. I’m on top of it. Definitely.
The exploits of a public accountant moonlighting as a prospective novelist
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About the "Author"
- Jacob Huber
- Whitehall, Pennsylvania, United States
When I graduated college, instead of pursuing a career in writing fiction, I went the polar opposite and began working for one of the Big Four accounting firms as a staff auditor. You can't get creative with accounting. If you do, you get subpoenaed. So whenever I get the chance, in the lack of a life I have outside of work, I am working on my forthcoming, New York Times best-selling novel, tentatively titled Ginger Smoke.
This is my story. About my story.
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