CPA Exam Results

Needed to Pass: 75
Audit Score: 74

NTS

p.s. My Notice to Schedule (NTS) came in the mail a few days ago, so I can finally set up my test dates. I gotta get on that soon. But this CPA thing is starting to get serious now.

This shit just got real.

Derailed

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside-down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there... You know what, all the shit I've been through since the 4th of July, well that's going into my memoir as a career low point, so you can read about it there instead. Hopefully by the time I write that, all these problems won't matter anymore. No time for a memoir now tho, I've got a novel to write (and a CPA exam to study for, boo).

I finally scripted everything out, start to finish, scene by scene. I've been trying to balance my life these past few months, personally, professionally, legally, relationshipally... and it's been taking its toll. I wish life had EZ Pass sometimes. But I have a script. And I'm going to take the next two months (while I'm studying for the Audit and BEC sections of the CPA) to refine it into a solid roadmap that will guide me through every plot point. By the time busy season rolls around and I have no more personal life, I want to be able to bury myself in my story in the late, tired hours after work. That will be my day: Wake up, Work, Write, Pass out, Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I'm still shooting for a draft by my birthday. We'll see if I still have any magic left.

To Jessica

I miss you.

In the Mail

I finally put my CPA application in the mail today. I received a few rejection letters for the short stories I’ve submitted to lit mags, but I have a good feeling about the original version of Ginger Smoke that I just revised (You can check it out here). I have every intention of executing the plan I've set for myself. And I’m starting to feel good about that too.

Struggle Bus

I've been having a tough time getting this story down on paper since I've sent myself that email. It's not the actual writing part. I've already wrote one of the first chapters. I like where it starts. The ideas, scenes, characters, plot lines, they're all there. It's not a matter of writer's block, it's a matter of shuffling all of those things into the right order. The narrative for this story is so tricky. It's inherently un-chronological. Naturally scattered. Like Tarantino going back and recutting one of his own movies. But to still maintain an overlying story arc, to logically tie together something illogical... Well that's the tricky part.

So right now... Here's the plan:

• Apply for the CPA exam today (for the Audit & BEC).
• Wait for the schedule to come in (3 months from now), and schedule the Audit section early in the Oct-Nov window and BEC late in the same window, or for the first week of January.
• Write the "script" by the middle of August. A script, that's what I'm calling it. I'm going to write a comprehensive blueprint that will map out my novel start-to-finish that I can follow when I sit down to write this thing. Middle of August because that's my last week of vacation, and that's when I'll seriously have to sit down and study for the CPA.
• Study for the first two CPA sections and take them as scheduled from September to early January.
• SLAM out a rough first draft (during "busy season"!) before March 11, 2011.
• Finish the last two parts of the exam during the Apr-May & July-Aug windows, possibly in time to get the 2-year bonus.
• Spend the rest of the summer and the fall (slow time for auditing) to re-write the first draft and to get a respectable manuscript together for an agent/editor/publisher. Finish re-writing by December 31, 2011.
• Get it f#cking published! Get f#cking certified!

Yeah. This is gonna be tough. Like, really tough. It's actually going to be a lot like college. Except there will be fewer parties, and a little more work/studying. This is gonna suck, but if I can get through it, if I can make it to the end of 2011 and accomplish everything I'm setting out for, it will feel so good.

F#ck.

In summary: Apply for CPA today. Write the "script" in 2 months. Study and take CPA from Sept-January. Write the rough draft during Busy Season before March 11. Finish CPA by taking third part late in Apr-May window and the fourth part during July-August window. Get Bonus? Start the Re-write process after CPA exams are passed. Publish Novel! Get Certified!

Cheap Tricks

My day job, which I'm not ready to quit just yet, is a staff auditor for one of the 'Big Four' firms. It occurred to me a few weeks ago that before I started at this job, I've never heard words like ‘absolutely’ and ‘definitely,’ or expressions like ‘no problem’ and ‘you got it,’ used so frequently. That's how everybody talks to each other! These definitive, pre-programmed responses are passed around the work place like a couple of cheap whores.

“Could you update these schedules and make sure they agree to prior year?”
Absolutely.
“I need to make sure they tie back for a meeting this afternoon.”
You got it. No problem.

Listening to my coworkers respond this way is like hearing a fake orgasm. It’s what you think you want to hear. But seriously, is that really what you want to hear?

Can you find a way to answer me that makes you sound more like a prostitute?

That could be hard. I’m on top of it. Definitely.